Not For Joy
by GeneImperfect
Summary: In his cell, Percy thinks back on the actions he performed and the choices he made that landed him in Azkaban. Why should he have to be here for loving someone? Weasleycest PWGinW


Not For Joy

_Percy/Ginny Weasleycest_—if you don't like it don't read it! Simple.

* * *

I close my eyes and I think of Ginny, think of her future. What will it hold if we perform this single action? I open my eyes and I see Ginny, see her beautiful body. Why shouldn't I love it? Why shouldn't I treat it like the sacred temple it is, and enter in worship and awe and thanksgiving and love?

_I see you in the distance  
And I see us as we are_

Why did one thing have to lead to another? And if it hadn't, what would I miss? I fear I may have to miss whatever it is even though it has happened. Why do I have to fear this, when it felt, still feels so right? Right now all I can do is just lie back and let my body take me where it will. Which is what I want. And gods, from her panting and the shining glint of the moonlight off her wetness I think she must want it too.

_So nearly so contented  
But a careless word too far_

No one had known we'd begun dating. Still no one knew, and what do you think they would say if they did. I covet her like a priceless jewel, and so desperately I want to take what is hers and make it all mine. Spirit and flesh, body and soul, outside and in... It's amazing that she ever loved me back. She loved me first, she said, so actually that would make me the one who loved her back. But it didn't matter; what mattered was that we both loved each other. I wanted to ignore it, and for the longest time I tried to. But for all she was so mature and I was so mature, we both understood the other, and that understanding threatened to tear us both apart.. Each knew and still knows the pain of a wound that cannot be healed.

_I see you in confusion  
For a once enchanted boy_

When I found out was the third week of summer we'd gotten back from Hogwarts before my seventh and final year. I had been sixteen only since November, the youngest in my class. And I still had the best average. Ginny was already twelve, since the 19th of May. I climbed up to the attic to read like I often did, and found her huddled up in a ball in my spot, crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she was reluctant at first but with my blankets and pillows balled up around her and my arms embracing her, she finally told me what she'd been hiding for such a long time, that she loved me and knew that it was more than a sister's love. I was in shock. She had always been my favorite, and she knew it, but how much had I known about how I liked her? Again, she knew it before I myself did.

_My heart dances, o-o-oh  
But not for joy  
_  
As though something seized control over me and I was out of my body, I leaned in and kissed her. It began a nice familial kiss, perhaps a kiss between friends. But there in the attic in my scattered pillows and blankets she had her first... well, the French like to call it a "soul kiss" which seemed more appropriate to me than naming it after them. She said she had been curled up there remembering me and how she must have hurt me and she was trying in this nonsensical way to apologize, and she cried some more about how much she knew this would hurt me even more if I ever found out how she felt. It was a blasphemy on me, by her logic, so she had kept quiet and sacrificed herself to suffering my place. I cried.

_It's easy to be certain that another's heart will fall  
Much harder to be certain of your own  
It moves you, it inspires you, then it drives you to the wall  
And leaves you so excited but alone_

So now we've been "going steady" for 18 months. She's now in her fourth year at Hogwarts and I'm of course at the ministry but we still see each other. (A/N: Screw OOTP. In this story, Percy is NOT a family-hating git.) And now this question is pressing more and more with each week and day and hour and minute, and now every second. Should we consummate the relationship? I know she'd not of legal age but it's not exactly legal what we'd be doing anyway now is it?

_I long to love you better  
But I swear I don't know how  
You could have been my future  
But I had to have it now_

She's only fourteen, god why didn't I realize it then? Of course it's wrong for that. Fourteen and three-quarters, she tells me, but the law is still the law and 14.75 years old is still not legal age. The disparity of age, breaking the law so blatantly when all we had to do was wait, however hard it would have been, for a little while longer; that was wrong. But if we had waited, and the ministry had found out anyway and sent me here anyway, would it still have been wrong? It was wrong of us to blatantly break the law by having sex between a minor and an adult. It's against the law for age, which eventually we could have overcome. But the fact that we are brother and sister, the law would never have let us no matter what we did. That's what tears me apart. I know I was wrong for going against the law like that. It was wrong for me to have intercourse with a minor. Statutory rape is wrong. I know that. But was making love to my sister wrong? Is incest really and truly an intrinsically evil act? That's why I stand here wondering and questioning... I wonder if I could take it to court? I could try to prove it, legally. I love her. I love her, and that is not wrong. But even if I successfully prove it to the law, will I be able to prove it to myself?

_The things we love completely  
We are fated to destroy  
My heart dances, o-o-oh  
But not for joy_


End file.
